transformation happens in the dead end

 

Portal in Stone Wall

Perfect resignation

“Losing hope is losing all indeed. … Perfect resignation gives the deepest joy of all. Accept it as your sole resource.” Verse 21, Matri Vani I Anandamayee Ma

What a strange path I am on. Yes, my first awakening was catalyzed by LSD. That chemical took over my nervous system. About 30 minutes after ingestion I said to myself (with a terrible sinking feeling in my stomach) “I really did it this time. I have lost my mind.” Nothing in my surroundings looked like it did before. All was one undulating and pulsating scintillating sea of energy that was moving like one immense being.

“I” was not – and it surprised me that any memory of “Tom” had at all survived this death of the ego personality. At one point I took out my billfold with my ID, money etc. and my key ring and flung them far into the surrounding bushes, saying to myself “Why do I need these?” Luckily my buddies retrieved them and returned them to me the next day. I recognize now the surrender to the effect of the chemical that I had ‘forced’ upon myself. Once ingested, there is no turning back and whatever the chemical does I had to accept. Continue reading

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