a letter to my good friends

Tehachapi Lodge Tomas

This letter is addressed to my good friends, those that live here with me in Eureka Springs, AR and also those with whom I have shared time over the years. For me writing this letter was like my own “state of the person report” that allowed me to sum up my accounts in several areas of life and to see what my ‘bottom line’ is.

Dear Friends,

There are some concepts, some thought-forms that I have been holding that are falling away. It seems that they have perhaps outlived their usefulness to me. To hold on to them would, for me, be to hold on to the past. Other concepts present themselves as more appropriate expressions of my current way of seeing things. All concepts, and these as well, are of course limitations to just seeing the actuality from moment to moment, free as much as possible of all labeling.

I like the term “good friends” for the three of us. It includes the various qualities that I want to put my attention on, and I see that at times I have been lacking in some of these: loyalty, support, caring, understanding, compassion, gratitude, generosity in material as well as in psychological matters, and more. Continue reading


live with this emptiness…

Can I face and live with this emptiness

and not escape in any direction?

This question is put to us by Krishnamurti and it can open up a deep understanding of how our minds work. I escape by “doing”. To “do” is a tiny word that is a symbol for the activity of my psycho-physiological stream of existence. Anything and everything that this psycho-somatic nervous system re-cognizes as being ‘appropriate, ‘useful’, ‘satisfying’, ‘purposeful’ etc. is entered into with gusto and a sense of comfort: our system says “I know what to do now”. The sense of familiarity and of being embedded in a larger frame of reference are comfort zones for this system, the ‘individual’. It doesn’t make sense to this little mind to cease its activity for longer than a spit second. Continue reading

that principle behind everything

When you listen to this you feel satisfaction

and with that the matter ends for most people…

Nisargadatta: This understanding will come gradually, because of all the concepts. You have to get rid of those. and that takes time.

Some people are in search of knowledge which is acceptable to their mind and intellect, but the sphere of the mind and intellect is of no use to receive this knowledge. Continue reading

thinking prevents seeing

“What thought creates is not real.”


My Comment: In the last section of this excerpt from Krishnamurti’s booklet The Urgency of Change, he gives a concise wording of what it means to “see” in the way he uses that term. K brings the term “attention” also into this context, which he points out, comes from ‘to attend to’. We hear him calling to us to be in a state of silence when we listen to others and when we look and “see” what is happening around us and within us. Only then will we be completely ‘with’ what is going on – and not have an internal dialog of evaluation, measurement, comparison, judgement etc. that is “noise” and the movement of the past – which then prevents us from attending fully to the other person or the situation or to our own internal questions to ourselves. Our attention and our ‘seeing’ are then fragmented and can only lead to more confusion and conflict. Continue reading

sinking like a rock



sinking like a rock in the Sea
drifting through the Three Worlds
poor ethereal creature
forever immersed in scenes
until a flash of lightning shows
life and death are dust in space


by Feng-kan, one of Han Shan’s companions in the Tientai Mountains

(Translator’s note: The Sea of Samsara, or Life and Death, and hence of Suffering. The Sanchieh – Three Worlds – into which we are born and reborn include those of Desire, Form, and Formlessness.)

My Comments:forever immersed in scenes” we are. Unable, it seems, to just be with ‘what is’ – our mind continually interprets and evaluates everything we perceive. We come into this world and soon we see ourselves as ‘me’, the subject, with around us ‘the world’, the object. We are told time and time again that this is an illusion and that our way of perceiving life is highly delusional. To me it appears that I am about to fall over the edge into the Abyss of seeing that all I have ever experienced and felt to be true is of no reality whatsoever. Is this hopelessness? I don’t know. The word ‘hope’ must be another one of the conjurer’s tricks of my mind, so I place no stock in it. Is there a ‘deeper level’ in my being that is not of this ephemeral world of words? Yes, there is. It is that which keeps me steady in a very strange sort of way, for it is a stability that makes it possible for this manifested hallucination to continue to play games with my mind. Continue reading

the silence wipes the other out

The conditioning of the past breaks down

in the fullness of silence.

My Comment: This portion of “The Urgency of Change” by Krishnamurti leads us to the point where the churning of the mind subsides. He points to the dynamic of the mind imagining itself separate from its own movement as judgement, evaluation, liking, disliking etc. and how this movement of separating oneself from ‘what is’ perpetuates the past.

We can see how he is describing with other terms what in yoga is called ‘the modifications of the mind’ or in zen the ‘mind formations’. The Sanskrit term used is VRTTI. The endpoint of yoga is citta-vrtti-nirodha, which is when these mind modifications come to rest on their own because they implode due to their realization they lack any substance whatsoever. That is a longer topic of its own, but this excerpt below gives us some valuable pointers on how this dynamic plays out. Enjoy! Continue reading

energy sphere in the void



A current dreamtime experience:

I am in a forest clearing, a kind of meadow. I begin running in a circle in the grass, about 25 feet in diameter. I run faster and faster until it feels like I am churning the ground. Then the surrounding landscape dissolves and I am a sphere in the center, just a sphere of energy and around me is the space of the stars. I hear the words: “Here is the shamanic point.”

The meaning is that everywhere is the shamanic point, the point at which I am the ultimate reality, grounded in the void as a center of energy. Everything goes out from me. All surrounding circumstances that I perceive are insubstantial, like spinning a burning torch in a circle in the dark and a circle of light appears but actually only the torch’s fire is substantial. Similarly the tail of the comet is insubstantial compared to the energy fire-ball of the comet itself. I am a processor of energy which comes through me to be directed on to other centers.

The significance of the initiation is to divorce myself from attachment to the circle of light (the appearances) and to stay focused as the burning torch, or the energy fire-ball of the comet. The challenge is to continually divorce myself from influence of fragmented energy streams of consciousness that surround me and to orient myself to the core of my own being.