I cannot express what I am feeling

born out of nothing

The roaring silence of the diamond. What do I want here on this planet as I see every view that anyone holds as true and valid. There is only emptiness as all views are conjured up by the beholder’s repertoire of images. Combinations of what each one projects as per their personal distortions. We all are fragments of perception, each from a unique standpoint. As such we do see what our individual perceptions mosaic together. It’s a living kaleidoscope and we want to give what appears in a given moment a meaning. It is as if you took thousands of frames of a film and then took one single frame and said “this is the movie”.

It means just what it is as the Moroccan coffee in the short glass sweet, bitter and strong. As the gaunt mother in her purple jelleba daughter on her hand, it’s the first day of the new school year, and the daughter kisses her mother’s hand. The mother approaches the table next to mine on the sidewalk and asks for the water glass for her daughter, just out of school across the street and she drinks greedily, then smiles and exclaims “Hamdullah” – thanks be to God!

I am finished dunking my spiral pudding pastry into my coffee as I am used to from Italy with their brioches. Now the sheer mountain cliff that defines the ‘Blue City’ captures my view – such a contrast to the bustle of this market street and the mountain immovable rock. Bright sunshine of autumn on the white wall with the blue trim across from the café and the deep blue sky in the space above between the roofs – yes, this planet is beautiful in so many ways and also everyone caught in the irksome mesh of their minds and thoughts.

To put my attention on which thoughts are “true” and which are “not” already means I’m caught in the mesh and as good as dead. To even enter in to the movement of discriminating between “this” and “that” pulls me into the abyss of identification with some aspect of manifestation. How to remain in the ‘Pure Land’? The only aliveness is free from the “knowledge” of feeling myself as one of the many objects within this manifest field that sees him/herself as a subject.

This duality of imaginary forms (that are empty of substance) deluded into believing our existence as subjects and individuals is strange and amazing. How could any fragment of consciousness engaged in this magical creation fail to appreciate how wonderful this manifest consciousness world is? Unbelievable even to entertain the notion that this is really ‘just’ a mysterious projection of electrical charges upon a screen that allows living images with names and forms to become manifest, i.e. visible and experienceable.

Therefore all that can be perceived, conceived of, imagined, thought of, or felt in any way is true: it is a true projection. Is there anything of more substance, more reality than these physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and multi-dimensional holographic projections?

Yes, and we call it “the roaring silence of the diamond of wisdom” for short. It is the awe-inspiring Absolute, which is what infuses all aliveness with Aliveness, all consciousness with Consciousness and all awareness with Awareness. Anything that catches your fancy and seduces you to partake and consume of ‘yourself’ as part of this totality of manifest consciousness is the Absolute. It is that without form, and so we call it ‘empty’ and so any form can take on Its taste, Its perfume, Its enticing and seductive shape and texture, Its touch, Its whisper and Its siren song so sweet.

And yet the moment you lose sight of It and fall into the trance of the holographic self-hypnosis, you are lost. This being lost is so sweet, like the oblivion in your lover’s arms just after the act. And a moment (or an eon) later the craving for >>more<< returns to obsess you – you “love to be”.

Where is the freedom? The ultimate release from this bondage to form? Is it as the eternal Subject that sees Itself as all manifestation and is still free of its tethers, such as the Big-Mind state of Zen? Does that state exist for more than a split millisecond at a time? Or is it the acquiescence to this eternity of living in form, just allowing oneself to continue swimming in the River of Suchness that does not differentiate between Itself and others?

I open my eyes and am astonished and surprised at all the strange and wonderful sights that my Eye beholds. I care for all manifestation, all of this World because I know that it is conceived and born out of nothing – the “child of a barren woman” as it has been called. I am Life and I serve life. I am Time and I will always bring forth time. This Eternity is the roaring silence of the diamond. I cannot express what it is I am feeling.












4 thoughts on “I cannot express what I am feeling

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