I am sitting quietly to enjoy this quietness in me. The moment you enjoy yourself, it doesn’t matter what makes you suffer physically or psychologically. Now I can quietly look at the psychological suffering that I was caught up in.
When I recognize that words and impregnations of past experiences are two factors that keep the river of conditioned consciousness flowing, I become deeply disappointed in them and leave them aside. I see that I had placed continual trust in the need and validity of words and experiences in my relations with others. Now I see how these two (words and experiences) are merely cornerstones of conditioned consciousness. Existential relationship is independent of word communication and experiences. The opportunity to be in close relationship with someone of like mind, and then attempting to share innermost realizations, gave me the invaluable gift of recognizing the fallacy of this belief. I had believed that I could share my truth using the vehicle of words and referring to experiences. That is an illusion.
Only through being in the realization of my deepest truth can this truth be shared, provided someone of like mind is truly interested in the deepest truth. When the other is passionate about his/her deepest truth, this communicates itself not through words in a verbal exchange, but only through each one’s ongoing realization at ever deeper levels of this truth. Then one’s presence is the entire communication and it is always complete.
Experiences for me are always past movements of my energy-being in interaction with other phenomena, be it people, other living beings or things. I then become aware of these experiences always only after the fact, after the happening itself, due to the hard-wired lag-time of our neurology. The actuality of the interaction on the level of our primordial energy can never be captured by the recording faculty of the mind which we call memory. Therefore, experience, like the word symbols we use when we want to share experiences, can only be the hollow shell of the truth of the interaction.
My deepest truth is therefore a state of being that is always new and can never be captured by symbols (words) or memory. I was disappointed in my attempt to share this truth using words and referring to experiences, simply because I had maintained the illusion of the possibility of something that is an impossibility. Seeing this I relinquish this illusion and step forward in the adventure of relationship in this world of phenomena afresh and with new perspective. I enter a new world in which the mind moves on without the help of words and experiences.