November Peace Challenge: Reconciliation – B4Peace

Kozo’s November Peace Challenge for Bloggers for Peace is “Love Thy Enemy“.

A Charismatic Figure

He had the energy signature of my father, although I only realized that years later. At that time I realized as well that I had superimposed my image of my father onto him. This charismatic figure was very much enamored with himself (which didn’t exclude love for his family and all of humanity.) He was a man whose personality was full of contradictions but he had a heart of gold that made you want to love him “despite” his many rough edges, immaturity and inconsistencies. He was a born actor, a real drama queen, and he excelled at it. At times it was both fascinating and repulsive to watch him in action.

Once I got caught up in the spell he was able to weave, I no longer was able to discern what of him rang true and what was just a bit “off”. The “off” quality should have been the red light alarming me to impending danger, but, as I said, I was already under the effects of his spell. Now, in hindsight, I see that I enabled that trance state by desiring a re-play with my father, who had by then already died. This person masterfully embodied the strict authoritarian, determined to reach his goals by use of force if necessary. This is strong parallel to my father’s character.

Another similarity is that he himself was sincerely convinced that his methods and goals were in total integrity with his deep spirituality. This is where I got hooked. I was looking for someone to support me on my path toward realizing my own deeper spiritual yearning. Here was someone who was taking the reins in his hand and was willing to show me what was best for me, need be with force. He was convinced that it was his mission to direct other people’s lives for their own good, which he knew better than they.

My Father

In a nutshell, I felt myself in my old childhood “comfort zone”. Now I know that at times suffering that is familiar may seem to be more attractive and, in a strange way, comforting, than striking out into the unknown on one’s own without support, in order to reach freedom from suffering. This allowed me to come under his spell and thus to recreate a familiar dynamic of my childhood. From this viewpoint several factors came together setting the stage for a 10-year-drama in which I felt myself at the mercy of outside circumstances, a central one being this very charismatic fellow.

This quality of relationship with him and to several others in that same constellation (which was an intentional community turned cult) played together to create my subjectively-felt reality of powerlessness and victimhood. Yes, over ten years I immersed myself in this experience. As I see it now it was the most valuable time of my life, as I finally learned the very deep lesson of taking back my own power in the face of appearances telling me that I was at their mercy.

I also now recognize with deep gratitude that this charismatic figure was key in allowing me to see through the appearances and finally begin to ground myself in my own being. Had that person not shown up in exactly the way he did, at the time he did, I may well have continued on in my illusion of victimhood and powerlessness much longer. I may have continued to blame others for my dissatisfaction in life. This was the beginning of the absolute personal sovereignty that I now experience with the inner Knowing that my life is sourced in Me and that I create not only the inner quality of “outer” events but also what I see as the other persons in my life. I find myself more and more consciously in a state of cooperation in Spirit with all other beings in my experience day to day. Any sense of something not being to my liking or my expectations is due to my own inner state and never due to an “other” being or object or event “out there”.

From this vantage point I see nothing to forgive in my former adversary as it was all perfectly played out according to my needs and desires and what I wanted to learn more deeply. This, for me, is the ultimate meaning of “Love Thy Enemy”. The bonus was, of course, that my reconciliation with my own father was deepened even more. I felt I had made peace with my father already years ago but this new understanding  gave me a new and more settled sense of that inner peace.

Related articles

• October Peace Post (motherwifestudentworker.wordpress.com)
• Monthly Peace Challenge – Love Thy Enemy (everydaygurus.com)
• Tomorrow I will love you, but not today (rarasaur.wordpress.com)
• Love lives in inconvenient places (kmhubersblog.com)
• A Happier Thanksgiving (DayDreamsInWonderland)
• To My Enemy (fishofgold.net)

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