Forgiveness Two – I Set Myself Free

Forgiveness Two - Set Yourself Free

Part Two of Three

I love this one. I realize I have been the captive bird, the prisoner. How did the whole situation come about? Let me take one version from my life: I found myself accepting the authority of another. I put myself in his power by giving up my power. Of course at the time I didn’t see it that way at all.

Here is the story in short form: a few years previous to this incident I had joined an intentional community. We were approximately 30 adults and 9 children who had pooled all our resources to realize our common dream – at least those were our thoughts. The story unfolded over the course of ten years in which I learned very much, but also suffered very much under the emotional turbulence that pervaded the community.

For the first two or three years of our ‘honeymoon’ together it looked as if our dream was coming true. However, the real reason for our coming together started to surface more and more clearly: we all wanted to learn about power, especially power over others. At the time, of course, it just felt like emotional and psychic hell, and I had no idea why I was there. The actual state of affairs was that our ‘community’ had become a classic cult, complete with  total economic dependence in a remote part of the world (no easy ‘escape’) and a strong, charismatic and very intelligent ‘leader’ personality at the head of it all. Having pooled all our resources, no one had any money etc. so members were dependent on the small leading clique for everything. It all developed piece by piece over the course of a few years and was not really clear to me until it was too late.

This following incident brought my situation to a head for me: the head honcho called me over to his table during our New Year’s celebration. All the members and also some friends from the locality were gathered together in our dining area. In a conversational tone he told me that someone had seen me over in the kitchen house secretly pilfering gin, which was strictly against our rules. He said that I had to promise to never do it again or pack my things and leave immediately.

The impact on me was devastating. The first thing that impacted me was the injustice: I had done nothing of the sort, neither then nor ever before. To add to the inner turbulence I was feeling, I was given no chance to even deny the accusation. Without going into more detail: I felt similar to an innocent person who is convicted of a serious crime without the slightest opportunity to defend himself.

This incident created such internal pressure in me that I spent the next days and weeks mulling over what it meant for me. I felt an acute sense of injustice which took me back to my childhood and I started to piece together what had brought me to this point in my life. One thing was clear: I had super-imposed my father (a strict authoritarian who used corporal punishment liberally) onto this head honcho and was reacting to him in the same pattern as with my father.

I finally left the cult shortly after that incident with strong anger toward several of the persons in the leading clique. “What they did to me/us!” was the voice in my head. After almost three years, in which I was able to work with some very gifted therapists and teachers, I was able to see clearly the gift that each and every one in the group had been for me. Thanks to them, I had learned many very important lessons that continue to uplift me today. If no one had ‘played the bad guy’ I would perhaps never have been able to uncover my childhood abuse and trauma and, finally, heal it.

The experiences in the cult gave me the opportunity to recognize the absolute truth of the fact that we are all attracting exactly and just those situations and people that allow us to learn what we need and desire to learn here and now. Every drama is a sure sign of pay-dirt. Only if we know that, are deeply convinced of that, and don’t resist the situation, will we get the gold.

forgiveness 8

This is the gold I received:

IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT ME – THERE IS SOMETHING HERE FOR ME TO LEARN – PERIOD.

IF I THINK THE ‘OTHER’ IS AT FAULT AND HAS CAUSED THE SITUATION TO MY DISADVANTAGE AND I MUST BLAME THEM, CHANGE THEM – I AM DELUSIONAL.

THERE IS NO ‘OTHER’ – IT IS ALL THE INFINITE INTELLIGENCE ACTING ITSELF OUT THROUGH VARIOUS FORMS LIKE YOU AND ME IN ORDER TO GAIN KNOWLEDGE OF ITSELF – IT NEVER INTENDS HARM TO ANY OF ITS FORMS.

FORGIVENESS STARTS WITH ME RECOGNIZING THAT I CAUSED HARM BY JUDGING ANOTHER PART OF THIS ONE, AND LOSING SIGHT OF THE ONENESS OF MYSELF IN ALL THINGS, ESPECIALLY IN THE ‘OTHER’.

FORGIVENESS IS COMPLETE WHEN I SEE MY ‘MISTAKE’ AND TAKE IT AS A LEARNING STEP AND RELEASE ANY JUDGMENT OF ANY PART OF THE SITUATION, ESPECIALLY MYSELF.

WHEN I UNDERSTAND HOW MY HEART CONNECTION WITH ALL THINGS DETERMINES ALL INTERACTIONS – I NO LONGER JUDGE AND I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON. THEN I LET GO OF ALL EMOTIONAL RESIDUE FROM THE INTERACTIONS AND CAN ‘FORGIVE AND FORGET’.

FORGET DOES NOT MEAN TO LOSE TRACK OF WHAT HAPPENED BUT TO BE MAGNANIMOUS AND GENEROUS EMOTIONALLY AND LETTING THE EVENTS WASH AWAY FROM MY MIND AS IN A REFRESHING SPRING RAIN, KNOWING THAT NOTHING REALLY HAPPENED. MY REALITY AS THE ONE IS/WAS/WILL BE EVER UNTOUCHED.

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26 thoughts on “Forgiveness Two – I Set Myself Free

  1. Hi Tomas, sorry I’ve been away so long, catching up now.
    What a powerful, personal post. We all have issues in diffeent ways that, as adults, we don’t even realise we are enacting/reacting to/replaying or unconsciously working through.
    I’m going through a tough/trying to heal time right now. Your words and story are thought provoking.
    Thank you.

    • I have also not been around visiting other bloggers for quite a while either and am catching up bit by bit, so I know what you mean. We are all going through deep healing now, I believe, although some may not notice it and just feel still tired after sleeping the night (working on healing in the night…) I know I am and so is Alia. Tomorrow I hope to post something with helpful things to do in these times… Blessing-Energy to you, Dear Heidi! ☼ tomas ♥

  2. Pingback: To Be Aware

  3. Tomas, thank you for this very personal post on forgiveness. I, too, was physically abused as a child. I had to experience a similar catastrophic event to make me begin the process of healing. I love your statement “IT IS ALL THE INFINITE INTELLIGENCE ACTING ITSELF OUT THROUGH VARIOUS FORMS LIKE YOU AND ME IN ORDER TO GAIN KNOWLEDGE OF ITSELF – IT NEVER INTENDS HARM TO ANY OF ITS FORMS.” I can see that now, but at the time, I had a lot of vengeance and anger.
    “WHEN I UNDERSTAND HOW MY HEART CONNECTION WITH ALL THINGS DETERMINES ALL INTERACTIONS,” I no longer need to forgive. Forgiveness becomes redundant. We are all one. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  4. Pingback: Forgiveness Three – …and forget | heartflow2013

  5. Tomas, I can only share a smile and my love:) What a wonderful post and the music shared at the end is quite sweet and refreshing as well as uplifting. Thank you for the smiles my friend.


    Joe

    • Yes, looking back at tumultuous events of the past I also must just chuckle at how serious all the drama was…but as I said – it’s a learning experience! and I love to learn… 😉 The music by Constance Demby is one of my very favorites – it came out in 1989 and at that time I listened to that album almost 24/7… 🙂 thanks for connecting, Joe! ☼ tomas ♥

  6. Pingback: Service to Self? — OR — Service to Others? | 13th Paradigm

  7. Wonderful Post My Love — am adding it to my Related Articles for my own post that speaks about the path of Service to Self holding the contrast for those who follow the path of Service to Others. Thanks for your personal account of what it feels like to be at the effect of a Power Over situation and set yourself free with your own Power Within. Blessings and love, Alia
    http://wp.me/2BC2S

    • I love the term “Power Within” as I feel that it really expresses the core of the matter: I become sovereign when I realize my own Power Within. That automatically leads to “Service to Others” because I have realized my connection to ‘others’ through my own Heart connection. There is only the One Heart and thus the connection to others and caring for their well-being as if it were my own comes naturally. Thank you for your continuing support in my on-going process of reclaiming my Power Within ♥ with All Love – tomas

  8. IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT ME – THERE IS SOMETHING HERE FOR ME TO LEARN – PERIOD. This is my “mantra” as well. It heals so many wayward thoughts. Your experience/my experience is what brought us to today…lighter, freer and ready to serve. Great video, too! Thanks for sharing an important part of YOU with us.

    • Yes, Cyndi, and it is not that I am in denial about others’ shortcomings or their having ‘wronged me’ in some way at various points in my life, but when I see what I might call “incorrect behavior” of another, I am clear that I need only consider my part in the situation. Whatever lessons the other has to learn or not learn is not my concern – I may recognize it, but I am only then called to concern myself with it if the other requests my involvement. It is a very fascinating subject, in any case. When I first read Kozo’s Peace Challenge for March there must have been some residual resistance because I wasn’t attracted to posting on it. But now I see how fruitful it is. Thanks for your feedback, Dear Cyndi! ♥ tomas

  9. “I found myself accepting the authority of another. I put myself in his power by giving up my power. Of course at the time I didn’t see it that way at all.”

    Isn´t this the way through which family and society raises and conditions us? How can you know of the erroneousness of this, especially as a child, and later on in life when almost everybody around obeys and uncritically accepts the prevalent immemorial behaviour?…

    So there you go, tormented year after year by a malaise which everybody suffers from, but skilfully conceals refusing vehemently to talk about…In due time you may think that you make the whole thing up…Meanwhile, the conflict becomes unbearable as your “ailment” is real.

    You feel the loneliest man on earth, as you basically have no words at first to express your suffering and no one to talk to… Besides, uncovering the truth, you may feel like some kind of freak constantly being bombarded by shame and pangs of conscience, as if you were doing something “wrong”…In a sort of twisted way, you feel as if doing something “wrong”, as You destroy an inveracious “order” that others are seemingly happy with, so as to be able to regain your life and dignity…
    So yes, on your way to regain your personal power you are tacitly accused of the terrible crime of having dared to be Free and Truthful.

    But let us remember: WE ARE INNOCENT!

    Let us throw away the heavy chains of Guilt, Shame and Punishment with which this immemorial propaganda has imprisoned us!

    • “Let us throw away the heavy chains of Guilt, Shame and Punishment with which this immemorial propaganda has imprisoned us!” So true! The perfect prison is the one in which the inmates become their own wardens, and so the inoculation with the viruses of Guilt, Shame and Punishment went a long way to making us beat up on ourselves all this time. To really take in the fact that, indeed WE ARE INNOCENT! is so freeing! Now we can finally move on to what we WANT to do!

  10. Tomas, thanks for sharing such an intimate account of the scenario that brought forth the deep conditioning to be seen. Sometimes our deepest holds and identities don’t get revealed unless a “crisis” forces us to take a look and let it arise without judgement into awareness, ay?. Only recently did I discover the underlying hook to a very old pattern, phew! It surfaced after doing something called “Somatic Experience” which goes directly to holds on a body level without any interference from the mind. Meditation does not necessarily uncover the deepest underpinnings to beliefs and identities. And everything you wrote certainly resonates! Shanti….kai

    • “…without interference from the mind” – yes, that is tricky! During the time just after the cult experience I worked with one very gifted therapist with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) with the tapping, and that had the effect of clearing neural pathways independently of the mind. The intellectual understanding is completely secondary, although it can be supportive. Another very strong clearing happened working with the Family Constellation work that Bert Helliger developed. In that work, which happens in a group setting, I was able to experience directly the way in which trauma and twisted coping strategies are passed down through the generations (indeed, through the ages) and that enabled me to recognize in a visceral way that every perpetrator is also a victim and vice-versa. Then the inner truth of who I am stands up and says: STOP – NO MORE! That is then a powerful new way of living empowered and of seeing through the trance behavior that governs so many human relations. “Forgive them, for they know not what they do” is then clear in front of you, no need to try and forgive – it just happens, the same way I don’t hold resentment against the one year old when he breaks something. Thanks for your response! Om Shanti! Tomas

    • Thank you, Eric. Somewhere I know that we will all be in agreement once we all are able to see more clearly what actually it. All of our blogs are supporting that to come about. Happy to be on this journey together with you! Tomas

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