It may be one of the most difficult things to do: I am caught up in a sense of needing something and then to turn myself inside-out and give to another, or to the world, or to myself. Feeling that I need is like a hole to be filled: in the hole is nothing, and so something must come from outside to fill me.
19. Love is expansive. When you give from your heart you grow ♥
I know, I know! I can’t really need something because I am one with all that is; everything is already part of me. But it feels like I need something, even if my mind says: “Remember all that you have learned, remember that the psychological sense of need is an illusion!” This is not about ‘I need a drink of water’ or ‘I need a roof over my head’. No, this is about having all that is really necessary for physical survival and yet: the feeling of ‘need’ surfaces in my awareness. This is the root of all addictions and for the moment when I am in that energy of need it feels very, very real.
So we come to the sense of ‘need’ being but another of the various frequencies that swirl around me every day. It is an illusion, very well, but when part of my energy field is caught up in this particular frequency it can be very, very tenacious. All of us reading these words know that we have somehow found the way to bring our energy field into another frequency. We have learned how to change our frequency at will. But does is really happen according to the recipe? How to change your frequency from need to giving in 10 easy steps?
My experience is that I came into such a dead-end, such a place of despair that ‘something’ in me reared up, like the force of nature itself, and I viscerally ‘got’ that I had to open up to being a conduit for something bigger, vaster, to move through me into the world. This wasn’t just a one-time occurrence, but on one particular day at the end of my training in the US Army there was a particular occurrence. I was 18 years old and one of 49 soldiers fresh out of boot camp and advanced individual training. I had been trained as a radio operator and the time was 1969. Slowly the reality of a radio operator became clear to all 49 of us: we would be sitting on top of a tank and would be prime targets for the Vietcong.
Before the Army I was at the University of Illinois I had been active with SDS (Students for a Democratic Society) and had taken part in draft card burning rallies and other Anti-War protests. When I heard that the chances were very high that our company would be getting orders for duty in Vietnam, I obtained paperwork from the company office to apply as a Conscientious Objector. I intended to refuse to go to a ‘theater of war’ – my decision was firm. The next thing I knew I got orders for Germany. Whatever happened behind the scenes I do not really know. 47 others were sent to Vietnam.
Two days before they were all due to ship out, they chipped in and got a few cases of beer to “celebrate”. What actually happened was that a lot of 17 and 18 year-olds were scared to death and wanted to numb out. However death is infinitely stronger than any inebriating drink. Toward the end of the evening, the alcohol having rendered most of the kids more uninhibited, there was grief, wailing and moaning: death was in the air. I tried to tell some that no one could force them into battle. The worst case scenario was being thrown into prison for disobeying orders and then a dishonorable discharge, but still better than going to a foreign country to shoot at others and be shot at.
Of course my logic fell on deaf ears. No one was willing to look at the repercussions of such action: complete estrangement from their families, friends and communities. Everywhere I looked I saw stark fear in their eyes, almost on the verge of panic, but with nowhere to run.
The next day I was off duty and needed to get away from that scene in the barracks, so I went on a hike out into the woods on the base at Trenton, N.J. I remember crying to myself out loud: “There isn’t enough love to go around!” In this state of despair I laid down in an old bomb crater right at the end of the airfield runway. A huge C-141 was just lifting off and was about 100 – 150 feet above me. I was looking right up at its belly. In that moment a surge of energy came up from the Earth under me end filled my whole body and mind. It was a cathartic moment that left me filled with the cellular certainty of Love flowing through me as I give it to others. I spoke aloud: “Love has to come out of me!”
Is this the way to turn oneself around energetically? No, it is not a recipe, but it does point to a crisis being a birth. Krishnamurti speaks of letting hatred, fear, jealousy “flower” in order for them to be transmuted by that process. In my example I had let myself feel what it means to be without hope, absolutely, forever in all eternity, deeply convinced that there just is not enough love in the world to go around. I didn’t stop up short and tell myself some platitude. I let it work in me and it led me to an opening, what I call the trap-door at the bottom of the pit of despair. To say “it led me” is incorrect: an opening happened as I reached the absolute dead-end. I was not looking for an opening because I was convinced that there was none.
How to turn oneself around energetically from ‘need’ to ‘giving’? You have to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. You have to give all your passion into whatever is your present state. If it is ‘need’, give it your all, every ounce of your energy and see where it takes you. Don’t pacify yourself with platitudes. Take on the motto: “Make it or break it!” Don’t settle for mediocre. If you are sad, be really sad as if you were going to be sad forever and ever and ever. Don’t allow yourself the escape hatch of “I’ll be sad for a while and then I’ll brighten up, after I have some chocolate.”
The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali state that the posture (asana) that leads to Yoga (subsiding of the disturbed mind patterns) is “the continuous awareness of the infinite eternal existence”. In whatever energy I am, if I am able to enter into this posture, and see my present state as continuing on into “infinite eternal existence”, then I will most certainly look at it differently. The moment I am earnest in my endeavor to get to the bottom of whatever it is, I will connect with that eternal and infinite existence. Then I will see my truth.
- Living Love: Day 17 – Psychic Pollution (newearthpulse.wordpress.com)
- Heyoka ~ Shift Frequency (shiftfrequency.com)
- Toxic Energy (nottomatoes.wordpress.com)
- Blog for Peace (bloggers4peace.wordpress.com)