Living Love: Day Two – Innocence

Living LoveOn this Day Two the 23 days of Living Love I followed my lead of yesterday and before I turned off the light last night I read Verse Two, reading it again first thing before rising this morning:

Love is innocence. Love yourself unconditionally and return to innocence.”

Innocence means untouched. Love is untouched by all conditions, it barrels over them, unaffected. All “yes, but…” thoughts are bulldozered by love. It brings certainty and doesn’t tolerate ambiguity.  This quality of love as innocence is fierce. My image of innocence was something sweet and gentle like a small child.

Light Baby (source unknown)

Light Baby (source unknown)

Here I get that innocence means to reject radically whatever could be in my awareness of myself that could contradict love. To love myself unconditionally is to not give credence to anything that says “you can’t love that”. It is written in the Song of Songs: “for love is as strong as death, like the very flame of the Lord”. This verse tells me to take this literally, to let love burn to ash all that is not love. All that is only an illusion anyway that my mind  persists in keeping alive. It says to die to the past, radically, completely. Can I be without a past to myself?

It is not for the timid of heart to love themselves unconditionally. It triggers age-old codes embedded in our cells of the “sin of pride”, or taboos: only God can love unconditionally – and more. It is tantamount to standing up and saying to oneself  “No matter what others may think or say about me, I love myself completely and I say YES! to myself just as I am in this very moment. Not after I have completed this or that self-improvement program and have become a “better me”. No, just as I am right now! “My Purpose is to be the Highest Expression of Me that I can Be!”

Am I able to wipe clean the slate of “me” and stand purified of all dross and be innocent, and completely without blame? Can I see, in an instant, what shows up in me as impressions of how my energy has moved and acted in the past, and deeply regret all that may have caused harm? And then be done with it, to see that I am done with the old conditioned ways, the old conditioned “me”, and this means to let go of all beliefs, rigid behavior patterns, conditioning on all levels that make up that “me”. Can I be nobody? My mind says “how can you be so sure that you won’t relapse? Everyone does and so will you.” Conditioned patterns of behavior sit deep and very likely they will surface again and again, but I have seen their falsity the lie that they are.

Those patterns are something mechanical: chemically induced reactions of my psychosomatic organism. But I am not all of that; I am not those conditioned behaviors. I have seen the falsity of the statement that has been hammered into me for eons, that says I am NOT free of sin and dare not stand up in my own power and declare myself free of all that. Once a lie is seen as a lie it will never control you again. Those behavior patterns may very well surface again, but I am completely clear about one thing: once I see them they have no chance of possessing me any more, their pull on me has been severed.

BerlinWall1So innocence is the quality of love that is untouched by any events of my life up to now. Being untouched and untouchable, it doesn’t know defense or building a wall around itself. This means love as innocence is completely vulnerable. There is a paradox here for my mind: on the one hand, the intense determination of unconditional love to discount every hint of separation such as self-judgment as non-existent, and on the other, the heart-touching gentleness and openness of its vulnerability as innocence. These two go together as two side to a coin: not allowing anything to cut me off from the absolute forgiveness of unconditional love, which feels like a gesture of sharp “No!” and the sweet “YES!” of the warm embrace of unconditional love saying,Yes, you have come home, we missed you, too! The “No!” is mindfulness-teaching-thich-nhat-hanh-buddhist-monkto all the barrage of doubts that the mind lives on and a “No!” to the residue from the past of feelings of inferiority still in my cells (I’m not good enough for this…) and to all other thought-forms and feelings that put up resistance (who am I to spout off like this; who do I think I am? I won’t be able to keep up this Living Love meditation for the 23 days… etc.).

The picture I get as support is the following: the UPS delivery knocks at the door with a package for me. I answer and tell the UPS person that the addressee no longer lives here. I refuse delivery of the package. I turn my back on that delivery, that package no longer interests me. I have disassociated myself from my former personas, however many and whatever quality they may have had. I am new. This is the “born again” experience that many religious groups enter into. I see it as valid, with the addition that I agree strongly with Krishnamurti: I must die to each moment and be new, “born again” time after time, until it becomes familiar to my system. I shift my software program from “survival means holding on” to “salvation lies in letting go”. Only then am I able to let my cells feel unconditional love and return to innocence, to the pristine state before my birth. As Krishnamurti krishnamurti black and whitesays: ‘When you live with this awareness, this sensitivity, life has an astonishing way of taking care of you. Then there is no problem of security, of what people say or do not say, and that is the beauty of life.’

I recall now what Eckhart Tolle says about “reincarnation”: (my paraphrasing) Speaking of reincarnation, we are continually re-incarnating, which is to bring into flesh. We carry our past with us into the next moment and incarnate it! To stop this continual reincarnation of our past, just let go and see what is here right around you without your thoughts and feelings about the past.

I sit at my little computer desk, there is a laptop, a bowl of green tea on a little candle tea stove, a window with bamboo gently waving in the breeze outside, sky overcast and dropping a fine mist onto the duplex I am sitting in. My headset sends Constance Demby’s “Cosmos” music into my ears. My fingers try to find the right keys to make the words that are surfacing in my mind. Where is the past if I don’t open up to it? I am completely innocent and I feel the unconditional love of Existence that asks nothing of me, but surrounds me with benevolence. Yes, today’s focus: 2. Love is innocent. Love yourself unconditionally and return to innocence is actualizing itself quite nicely (smile). Return to innocence, yes, where I came from, what has always been with me, just below the surface of my thoughts and the activities of my perceived center as a person, as an “ego-movement” wanting to insure safety to “me”. Well, I am safe in this NOW.

lotus flower 2736 wikiWhen Ramana Maharshi was about to breathe his last breath into the body that many devotees were attached to, and they asked him what they should do without him, he responded: “I am not going anywhere, where should I go?” This response of the Self speaking through that body saw clearly that all is Self and nothing can go anywhere or get lost except on the level of the appearance of these transient forms. In the innocence that I sense when I allow myself to love myself unconditionally I begin to grok what his words point to.

At the end of this day I feel very solid and grounded and there is a sense of something like a smooth acrylic surface – hard to bring into words. It is like the space around me, physically and also mentally/emotionally is very smooth and solid. It is a pleasant feeling. I get now that it is the sense that nothing can adhere or “hook in” to my energy field. The meditation seems to be having its effect. See you all tomorrow!

4 thoughts on “Living Love: Day Two – Innocence

  1. Pingback: Untouched | merlinspielen

  2. This was a graduate school level post 🙂 So many wonderful threads to explore in their connection point and out on the tangents, too. Amazing to find how radical and powerful something so simple as love of self can be…letting the UPS man in, he’s got the right house! Thank you, Tomas!

  3. Pingback: Living Love: Day Three – Lens of Perception | heartflow2013

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